a moment of complete clarity!

I spent 20 years looking for my soulmate. I never found him. When I finally stopped looking and found real inner peace and happiness.... he walked into my life. People always say it happens when you are not looking. And that that you "just know". And that is EXACLTY how it happened. Blindsided. and I JUST KNEW.

He is sweet, gorgeous, sexy, kind, funny, honest, loving, affectionate, trusting, gentle, fun, smart. He is everything I have ever wanted and more. He has qualities that I love because they are so much like me. And he has qualities I wish I had. We are similar, different, and very complimentary. I feel so lucky and grateful to have him in my life. He makes me smile every single day.

It is magical and wonderful. I love him more than I have ever loved another person. I look forward to every minute that I will get to spend with him. I look forward to every conversation.

I look forward to everything.

Oneday I will marry him. And that day will be the very best day of my life :) The day I get to marry my very best friend. the love of my life. I never knew I could feel this way about another person. I never knew I could feel this good.

I get to see him again in TWO WEEKS......

I want to wrap my arms around him and NEVER let go. I *wish* that were possible :)

How Cute Am I?

Mick

I spent a week trying to save this cat. Yesterday my supervisor decided to euthanize him. Last night I sobbed for 2 hours. I am angry. and upset...... for so many reasons.

the hardest part was saying goodbye to him yesterday. and then working all day, trying not to think about it.

Some days I hate my job.

21

I am going to see this movie tonight. with Tim and Jodie. I used to go see Matinees with Sue on a fairly regular basis but haven't been in months. Looks like a good movie.

UPDATE: this movie was fantastic!!!!

IKEA

I bought new (much needed!!!) dishes!!!

my new dishes are a mix of this (the white with black flowers) and this (black stoneware). I love being able to mix and match my dishes. the dishes look so pretty together! I cannot wait to buy more..... a few at a time.

Next I would like to buy a few of these:

La Favorita!

Jodie and I decided that we are going to try a new restaurant on Preston St (in Little Italy) every two weeks. This was our first. It was so warm out that we decided to eat outside!!

Jodie

moi!

I am really enjoying spending so much time with Jodie. It is nice to have someone to hang out with who likes doing the things that I like: shopping, baking, aquafit, crafts, walking... She has a bike now so we can start biking to Westboro beach and have picnics. It makes being in a long distance relationship easier.... all the things I would want to do with Bruce I instead do with Jodie :) Of course I do miss the intimacy and affection that I would get from Bruce (very very much), but at least I am busy so I don't have a whole lot of time to dwell on that fact. In June Jodie and I are going whitewater rafting!! FUN. I went many years ago and loved it.

My sister was here for a "sleepover" last night. We had dinner, wine, watched "Atonement" (which I loved), and had some great conversation. We also went out to Orleans to visit with my brother and his gf. I am SO HAPPY my treadmill is gone to its new happy home (with my sister). Also we drove some empty cages I had stored ontop of the treadmill back to the shelter (I had them for my foster kittens and no longer need them)- so now I have this giant uncluttered space at my front door and I LOVE IT.

Today Jodie and I went to aquafit, then walked 4km to do a little shopping. I came home and watched a movie.

I am thinking I will put my cable on "hiatus" for a while. Although I love having the movie channels, I really am not watch regular TV at all and haven't in a couple of months so it seems like a waste of money.

I am so happy I have a 3 day weekend. and that the weather is so gorgeous. My apt is clean, I have all of my errands done, so tomorrow I think I will tackle some mail that I need to send and go to aquafit, and perhaps take a walk down by the canal. I am only about a 10 min walk to the canal :)

formerly known as the "Plant Bath"

This is where I spend most of my free time!

two sides of the pool area are just windows-

this area has nice couches for people to sit and watch or wait

There is a semi olympic pool, a leisure pool, a whirlpool, and a steam room in the pool area

I love this place. It has a very warm feel. It is all new and state of the art.

I am planning to go to aquafit 6 times this week :)

That will be 5 hours of water aerobics...and about one hour in the steam room!

uncluttered

I spent 6 hours yesterday rearranging, organizing, and cleaning my apartment yesterday. What I would really like next are: a new soft chocolate colored throw/blanket , a chocolate area rug for the kitchen, and a new set of dishes. I donated two large boxes of "stuff" this morning (I love places that will pick up donations!!!)

Last night's aquafit was so challenging!!!! I plan to go every day except Wednesday this week. Summer is around the corner and I have to step it up a bit. I am also going to blow up my excercise ball and start doing core workouts at home :) plus yoga here and there....

I am looking forward to aquafit so that I can excercise all of my work related frustrations out.

I miss Bruce... I would give anything to be able to come home from work and hug him :)

I *heart* Bruce!!!

I love him so much :)
I miss him terribly.
Hopefully I will see him again in a few weeks :)
I cannot wait......

He is wonderful!!!!!!!!

I am passionate :)

oneday I want to own an outdoor bed :)

new outfit


summery shoes

I love chocolate brown with embroidering!

I have just ONE day off, and soooo much to do. I must move myself AWAY from the computer and start doing things.... I woke up this morning thinking "WTF?" I had the worst nightmares. The WORST. I hate that. I thought I was going to cry when I woke up. Just dreams I tell myself. Not real. Bleh.... I just cannot seem to erase the images from my mind though.

I am going to aquafit tonight :) Otherwise I will be here. cleaning and organizing.

I wrote 3 letters yesterday at work and left one for the shelter manager and 2 supervisors. all in my ongoing quest to make work a better place :) Two other staff members signed my letters. I want to be a catalyst for change. I often have ideas, and often I share them. If only we had a good HR person. we don't. I think I would make a GREAT HR person :) Sometimes they completely ignore my requests, but other times I actually get changes made :) I always think there is room for improvement. I cannot help but stand up for what I believe in and verbalize my desires. It is my inner Ghandi coming out :) Everyone thinks it, I just tend to be one of the only people who is willing to confront people on issues that I feel negatively impact an organization and request that they consider alternative methods that may produce better and more effective results. Change comes in the form of baby steps..... It is not in me to accept the status quo. I tend to challenge it in hopes for change. I even went so far as to ask the executive director and HR person of another shelter last year at a seminar I went to in Dallas for advice as to how to implement changes, and then wrote a long paper. I was told by our director of ops and executive director that my paper was fantastic!!!!! However they did not implement any of my brilliant suggestions :(

it's a risk, I know.

I have decided to try the Mirena IUD as birth control. as soon as I get my drug card (so that I don't have to pay upfront) I will order it at the pharmacy. I have the prescription already. Then my doctor will book me an appointment with an OBGYN to put it in. It could make my PMS better, it could make it worse. I am scared, but I am willing to try it. I will not know unless I try. If it is horrible I will have it taken out. It is 100% covered under my drug plan (they cost $300) and last up to 5 years. I have done a lot of research. My doctor recommended it. I have made my decision. Some people love it, some people hate it. we shall see how my body reacts :) Perhaps it will be fabulous and I can get off my meds! That would be sooooo great. I hate how messed up my body gets from hormones, but at least I know it is manageable. I honestly feel like a completely different person on my medication. But I really do not WANT to stay on it forever. I have an appointment at the PMS clinic at the hospital May 1st, I am hopeful they will be able to help :) I am keeping my fingers crossed. I NEVER want to feel that bad again. I will do anything to stay happy and healthy. Whatever it takes.

I *heart* books

I want to read this book!!!
It is the next book I am going to buy :)

I am currently reading "how full is your bucket?", "please understand me (2)" and "I hate conflict". All fabulous. Last night I was reading Please Understand Me and it is crazy how exact it describes Bruce. Crazy. It is very helpful in understanding personality types. I think I may need to scan or photocopy some of it before giving it back to my sister!!! Kiersey is a GENIUS.

things that make me happy:

• Bruce
• being in love
• daydreaming about Bruce
• having such a great capacity to love
• my sunny optimism
• my sister
• my well behaved my skin !
• aquafit
• Isabelle's morning snuggle sessions
• having so many wonderful friends
• the sound of Bruce's voice
• Sephora is coming to Ottawa (it is about time!!!!!)
• that my hair is long again
• that I have a job where I get to help people and animals everyday- it is very rewarding
• days off
• that I never married or settled and now I have found the love of my life
• seeing mountains and smelling ocean air
• sunshine
• warm weather
• dreaming of travelling..... I really really want to go to Europe and South America. But any tropical island would be nice too.
• thinking about moving to North Bay- who would have ever thought I would move there? not me, LOL
• trying to learn spanish
• my gorgeous boyfriend- omg he is sweet. I love him dearly :)

there are so many other things..... too many to list!

mail makes me happy :)

I joined Postcrossing. It is free. You sign up and make a profile then request up to 5 addresses and mail people postcards. Once they are received your name goes into the database and you get postcards from other strangers. I went to the postoffice today and bought some international stamps and postcards so that I can mail some. I love getting mail and who knows I may end up making some friends along the way :) I have always loved buying, sending, and getting postcards. I buy them when I travel and keep them. Usually when Krishna travels to countries around the world she will bring me back a postcard :) The 3 addresses I have are in London, Finland, and New Jersey. I have no idea what I will write...... but I am all hooked up and ready to be inspired.

the view of downtown from Jodie's balcony

the view of my neighborhood from Jodie's balcony (on the other side of the tall brown highrise)

***

Jodie is making me dinner tonight and then we go to aquafit. She lives VERY close to the rec center. I think the rest of the day I will spend at home.....

***

Next Wednesday after work I am having a friend look at my bike to get it fixed up for spring so I can start riding again. It just needs a very minor tune-up, in my opinion, and I have a friend who is very bike savvy and offered to look at it for me :) Then I can be at work in 5 minutes, which is so nice!!!!!

snow globe

When Bruce and I went to Seattle we went to the Space Needle. In the gift shop I found a snow globe, similar to this one, and didn't buy it. I wish I had. It was much bigger and played music. I loved it. When I was at the Seattle airport waiting for my flight home I saw this small one and bought it. I keep it beside my bed and every night before I turn off the light I shake it so it snows and I look at it, remembering our trip. It is such a happy thought to fall asleep to :)

me in Tacoma!

live, love, laugh

I have been to aquafit 4 times in the last week. Jodie and I are planning to go 3-4 times a week PLUS we are going to do yoga (at my place) on days we don't go to aquafit (my work schedule sometimes does not allow me to get to aquafit as much as I would like). 6 days a week we are aiming for, one day off. Today's aquafit class was fantastic! I was so tired this morning, having not gotten enough sleep, but after class I felt great.

I am in love. Life is pretty sweet. I cannot wait to see Bruce again. I just want to wrap my arms around him and NEVER let go. I love him completely and perfectly. And I would pack up and move anywhere to be with him. He makes me smile and laugh. I have never felt so much love for another human being. I have not held back. I have no walls up. He is my greatest joy. I look forward to every day that he is in my life. I hope that is a long long time. It will never be long enough. I think he is the perfect match for me. PERFECT. In every way possible. He makes me feel very loved. The only other thing in my life that I have felt this much clarity and certainty about is my passion and love for animals, and my dedication and passion for that has never waivered. Few things in life are just so easy. so clear. so certain. Every once in a while you feel something so deeply that it overwhelms you, drives you, motivates you, it becomes a part of who you are as a person, and it changes everything. It is really special. It is very beautiful. We are friends and lovers. Oneday we will be bestfriends, lovers, and husband and wife. I am very excited about all of it. He really does make me want to be a better person. And yes, I know that was a line from a movie, but it is so true.

pussy willows

Yesterday Jodie and I went to the market to walk around. We bought pussy willows. Isabelle is very interested in them :) I bought a few things. My favorite cleanser from LUSH, a new skirt, yoga/excercise pants (which I absolutely love), and a new bathing suit- actually HALF a bathing suit. I bought a new swim halter-tank to wear with my bottoms. I wore it to aquafit today and just love it. It is very flattering :)

The Foundation

Last night I went to a birthday celebration at The Foundation. It is a swanky restaurant in the courtyard in the market. There was a very talented guy singing throughout dinner, and occassionally he would take his mike and walk around the restaurant singing. Around 10:30pm the restaurant turns into a lounge/ nightclub. Jodie and I didn't stay after dinner for dancing. But dinner was about 3 hours long. The food was fantastic, however VERY expensive.

gorgeous decor

Heather (the birthday girl) and Crystal

both quit working at the shelter after having babies

Jodie

(the smile is fake)

Erin and her husband Nick

(Erin and I have worked together for over 6 years.

She doesn't work that often now as she is doing her masters degree)

the washroom!!!!!

the food

we were here!

It is very hard to find the love of your life and then be seperated by 3000 miles.
I wish we could just be together NOW.

Oneday.
That thought makes me smile.

I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have him in my life.
I try to focus on THAT instead of the fact that we are not physically together right now.

:)

I have the most fabulous boyfriend. And I cannot wait to see him again :) He makes me smile every single day. I would give anything to be with him right now!!

Jodie

My friend Jodie (who is also my coworker and aquafit buddy) has a broken heart. Her boyfriend broke up with her a week and a half ago. We have spent the last week together. She comes over almost every day and I make her dinner and we watch movies and chat- for hours. Tonight after aquafit I went to her place and she made me dinner. It is strange for me to spend so much time with someone. I am very used to it now, and strangely very comfortable with the whole situation. We are very similar in so many ways, it kind of just feels like she is an extension of myself. We live very close to each other (about 1km) so it is quite convenient.

I am helping her the way I would hope someone would help me if I was ever in the same situation.

Over the past 6 months she has become one of my closest friends. I told her things tonight that I have not told ANYONE- ever. It is very rare that I ever trust anyone that much. very rare. There are some things I keep to myself and never share with other people. Tonight we talked for 3 hours over dinner. I told her everything.

Last night I made this pasta- with basalmic vinegar, havarti, grape tomatoes, red onions, oregano and basil. very yummy.

Last night we also made cupcakes- from scratch !!! every one was decorated differently. Unfortunately I forgot to take a picture until after I had given some away. They were excellent. (my favorite one was the one with the cow sprinkles- I gave that to my friend Sue to cheer her up)

I brought them to work today and shared them all :)

I also made homemade guacamole- which was soooooo good. Jodie said it was the best she has ever eaten.